{"id":79018,"date":"2025-06-24T15:44:47","date_gmt":"2025-06-24T19:44:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thestoryexchange.org\/?p=79018"},"modified":"2025-08-11T10:07:49","modified_gmt":"2025-08-11T14:07:49","slug":"what-2-women-learned-breaking-stuff-in-a-rage-room-as-a-new-conflict-begins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thestoryexchange.org\/what-2-women-learned-breaking-stuff-in-a-rage-room-as-a-new-conflict-begins\/","title":{"rendered":"What 2 Women Learned Breaking Stuff in a Rage Room, As a New Conflict Begins"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Victoria Flexner (pictured) and I visited a rage room mere days before Trump’s strikes on Iran. Needless to say, we’ve been thinking a lot about destruction of late. (Credit: Candice Helfand-Rogers)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

With not one but several horrific bangs<\/a>, President Donald Trump started a new conflict<\/a> with Iran. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He authorized a series of aerial attacks Saturday evening in concert with Israel \u2013 and sans U.S. Congressional approval \u2013 designed to take out a number of the Middle Eastern nation\u2019s nuclear<\/a> facilities. In a brief address<\/a> late Saturday, Trump threatened that \u201cif peace doesn\u2019t come quickly,\u201d the U.S. will attack again, with \u201cprecision, speed and skill.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bluster and bravado of the post-attack proclamations brought to mind a conversation I\u2019d had less than one week prior with my friend and colleague, Victoria Flexner. We\u2019d just visited The Ragery<\/a> in New York City, where folks pay to suit up and safely smash objects \u2013 anything from plates and vases to space heaters and computer monitors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The very physical, very destructive act is meant to be cathartic \u2013 a release of both metaphorical toxins and actual endorphins on offer with each swing of a hammer (or baseball bat). Which was why, as we shared beers and discussed the admittedly thrilling experience, we kept revisiting the same question: \u201cIs this what men feel like when they act out against others? When they start wars?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Indeed, the biggest thoughts we tangled with in the afterglow of our session centered on the act of destruction itself \u2013 of combining brute force with an intent to break. And as fun as it was \u2026 we still cannot understand the men who\u2019ve led us into battle after battle \u2013 the men who\u2019ve led us to where we are right now. <\/p>\n\n\n

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Related<\/h4>\n <\/div>\n \n
\n
\n \n \"Doge\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n
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\n \n \u2018DEI\u2019 is Not to Blame for What Ails Us \u2013 Dumb, Arrogant Men Are\n <\/a>\n <\/h3>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n

1. It feels uncomfortable to destroy on purpose \u2013 until it feels amazing. But there\u2019s a danger here.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It felt wrong, at first, to raise up an instrument of damage and bring it down upon something, with the sole aim of breaking it into pieces. But our initial discomfort soon gave way to giggles \u2013 there was a freedom in the physicality of it. The heft of a sledgehammer, the full swing of a bat, the moments of impact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then, the mood shifted again. As Victoria put it, \u201csomething was unleashed.\u201d Specifically, our anger \u2013 an emotion often minimized or ridiculed in women, if not rebranded entirely as hysteria, irrationality or hypersensitivity. But once we opened up, the air became thick with all of the fury we\u2019d repressed, as well as shards of glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s the thing: Research into<\/a> the concept of venting frustration through violence points to potential long-term psychological damage \u2013 leaning into destruction for release can, in some, reinforce the notion that aggression serves as a positive way of processing extreme emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah, we get that.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\n
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Related<\/h4>\n <\/div>\n \n
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\n \n \"Women's\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n
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\n \n It\u2019s (Beyond) Time for Women to Reclaim Our Anger\n <\/a>\n <\/h3>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n

2. That energy should never be visited upon anyone or anything other than discarded home goods.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As Victoria correctly pointed out: \u201cCathartic violence is weird!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look, there\u2019s an appeal to engaging the id \u2013 that animalistic, even primal nature of destruction. But we would never direct that energy against another human being. In fact, the mere idea<\/em> made us decidedly uncomfortable. Not just because women are socialized against expressing anger \u2013 though, we very much are<\/a>. And it\u2019s not about men being socialized to express anger through violence \u2013 though, they very much are<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We see men, time and time again, respond to provocations with violence, both in the moment and after careful planning, through verbal assaults, rape, murder and mass shootings<\/a> \u2013 all in numbers far greater than women. Even men\u2019s silence<\/a> heralds violence. And then, men use the power they continue to disproportionately hold to get away with it all, time and time again. In the case of military deployment, they\u2019re even celebrated for their strikes and kills. Meanwhile, we struggled in the rage room to take the swing that would break a Christmas-themed vase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is not to say that women never demonstrate hawkishness \u2013 I have, in the past, publicly lamented the times when women politicians enthusiastically called for<\/a> increased military spending and engagement. But time and time again, it\u2019s most often men who give the orders to fire the bombs \u2013 the bombs that cross oceans to level buildings, to kill people.<\/p>\n\n\n

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At The Ragery, we were given a chance to unleash our anger upon what was once a computer monitor (among other hapless object.) (Credit: Candice Helfand-Rogers)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

3. Men have much to answer for \u2013 and not just the warmongers, autocrats and oligarchs.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Victoria and I found the mental targets of our anger oscillating between men in power, and men we\u2019ve known.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With each swing, we thought of Trump, his mostly-male administration, and the majority-male ICE agents and wealth-hoarding billionaires, all of them exacting their own harms upon our already-strained populace. And, we thought of the individual men who hurt us intimately, yet in mutually recognizable ways. Gaslighting, insults, manipulation, invalidation\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s all destructive. It\u2019s all violent. All of it involves crossing borders and boundaries, be they political or personal, without care for the damage done, and with seeming impunity. And none of it is right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Victoria said it best: \u201cThe structures that keep us small, and the individual males who keep us small, are inherently connected.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
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Related<\/h4>\n <\/div>\n \n
\n
\n \n \"Bannon\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n
\n

\n \n Musk, \u2018Zuck,\u2019 Vance and Bannon \u2013 The Men I Fear My Son Hearing\n <\/a>\n <\/h3>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n

4. The systems they’ve built with the power they\u2019ve held aren’t working. Maybe it\u2019s time we tear them all down. (Hammers are optional. For now.)<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Men\u2019s leadership is keeping us trapped in cycles of struggle, destruction and death, sometimes even with eerie symmetry \u2013 this new conflict with Iran bears worrying similarities to President George W. Bush\u2019s war on Iraq. Which is why, after Victoria and I finished in the rage room, we wondered if our strength, combined with the right tools, could be used to break other things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bigger things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe we tap into what we felt in that rage room not just to organize and push for progress, as I suggested earlier this year<\/a>, but also, to level some structures of our own \u2013 but in ways that help, instead of harm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We aren\u2019t the only ones to consider the need for an overhaul \u2013 United Nations officials have called for a \u201cradical rethink<\/a>\u201d of how municipalities are built and run to promote safety for all, women especially. But what might that look like? To break the systems holding us back? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For starters, it\u2019ll likely mean looking to women a lot more. We\u2019re already the leaders of movements, and the world\u2019s caregivers. But we need more of us elected to office and promoted to leadership positions in the business world \u2013 because we understand the need for real change through lived experience, but lack the access we need to fix, or destroy, the machines. When we are<\/em> given that power, we reallocate money; we change policies; we fortify safety nets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when necessary, we cause good trouble. In the past, suffragists lit fires. Today, Afghan women speak out<\/a> against the Taliban and protest oppression even as authorities use fire hoses and stun guns against them. Iranian women burn hijabs when one of their own dies of harm inflicted by the morality police. Mexican women march on D\u00eda de Los Muertos, the holiday to honor the deceased, to remember girls and women killed in acts of femicide. American women block roads and risk arrest to fight threats to our right to bodily autonomy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when we acquire real power, studies show that we in fact destroy, too. But we break that which is harming others, and without inflicting additional harm. There is a wanton nature to men\u2019s structural and interpersonal violence, an excitement to their declarations of war, and an ease to their destruction that is absent from what women do when we tear things down. When we destroy, it\u2019s not to gain control or eliminate one another \u2013 we do it to assist, to rebuild.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So maybe it\u2019s time to shatter what they made \u2013 so we can remake it better. ◼️<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"
Systems and structures that no longer serve us, beware: Women are coming for you. And we’re excited about it. (Credit: Candice Helfand-Rogers)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Victoria Flexner<\/em><\/strong><\/a> contributed to the reporting of this piece.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n

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Related<\/h4>\n <\/div>\n \n
\n
\n \n \"conservative-men-womens-rights\"\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n
\n

\n \n Behold! The Smallness of Man\n <\/a>\n <\/h3>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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