Lewis is the founder of the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement<\/a>, a 501(c)(3) educational nonprofit backed by the Buffett family\u2019s NoVo Foundation, among others. She posits that a curriculum called social and emotional learning, which has been around for decades and the subject of much scientific research, could greatly reduce acts of violence like the Sandy Hook massacre. Her organization’s programs, now in schools in all 50 states, teach kids how to manage emotions and have healthy relationships, what some might refer to simply as life skills. \u201cThese are things we are not born with,\u201d Lewis says. \u201cWe have to learn them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Before Dec. 14, 2012, Lewis says she had never heard of social and emotional learning. Born in Fayetteville, Arkansas, she had followed her father into the bond trading business, at one point working at the investment banking firm of Walmart heiress Alice Walton. She eventually moved to New York City, fell in love and had her first son, JT, now 18.<\/p>\n\n\n\n By 2006, she had divorced, moved to a Connecticut farmhouse, and given birth to JT\u2019s half-brother, Jesse. \u201cHe was a big baby,\u201d she says, remembering how the nurses joked that, at 11 pounds, he was trying to crawl out of his bassinet. \u201cIt was a great way to describe him because he was larger than life always, for his entire life, bouncing off the walls with energy … always loud, always having fun.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The early years were tough, however, as Lewis, a single mom, dropped the boys off at daycare or school and often commuted to Manhattan. On the day of the shooting, she was working at an office in Orange, Connecticut, about 45 minutes from Sandy Hook, when the news broke. \u201cI decided to go to the school,\u201d she says. \u201cThere was a report that there was a teacher shot in the foot. I didn’t really get worried, really worried — believe it or not — until I got close to the school.\u201d Police cars, ambulances, helicopters, and \u201cfirst responders all over the place\u201d made it a chaotic scene.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is obviously difficult for Lewis to recount the details of the day, including the long wait she endured while other parents tearfully reunited with their children and left. \u201cWe didn\u2019t get a lot of information, and I almost think that was a blessing,\u201d she says. By the time someone on the scene gently told her that Jesse was dead, she already knew it in her heart. \u201cAt that point I\u2026.just wanted to leave,\u201d she says. It had all become too much: the school, the police lines, the media who were descending. \u201cI just wanted peace.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lewis lives in a 1740s farmhouse, a property she purchased 20 years ago because it was everything she ever wanted in a home. \u201cI remember the day that we pulled into the driveway and it was just this pastoral, beautiful scene,\u201d she says. Dubbed Wild Rose Farm, the property has a paddock and hay barn, and enough room for horses, chickens, multiple dogs, even a miniature donkey she had bought Jesse about 2 months before he died. Every morning, \u201cI hear \u2018he-haw he-haw,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cSo darn cute.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Immediately after the shooting, it was too difficult for Lewis to return. For several weeks, she stayed with her mother a short distance away in Darien, only going back to the farmhouse to pick out clothes for Jesse\u2019s funeral. She remembers thinking \u201cthey have to be warm because it\u2019s winter.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Leaving Jesse\u2019s room that day, she looked toward the kitchen and spotted a message that her 6-year-old had left on a spray-painted chalkboard near the oven. \u201cHe wrote three words, \u2018nurturing, healing love,\u2019 and it just stopped me right in my tracks,\u201d Lewis says. \u201cI knew instantly that if Adam Lanza, who was the shooter and former student of Sandy Hook Elementary School, had been able to give and receive nurturing, healing love, the tragedy would never have happened.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n Surrounded by therapists and mental-health professionals who were helping Newtown families, Lewis kept repeating the phrase. She asked them: \u201cI have to get that message into schools. How do I do that?” One therapist directed her to Chris Kukk, a professor at Western Connecticut State University, who had written a book about compassion. Lewis met with him, asking him the same question. \u201cHe said, “It’s called social and emotional learning. It’s been around for a long time,\u2019\u201d she remembers. \u201cI started researching it. My eyes were opened.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lewis didn\u2019t return to her job. She says she pulled herself together for the sake of her older son, then 12, and spent her free hours learning more about social and emotional learning, often referred to as SEL. She discovered the Collaborative for Academic Social and Emotional Learning<\/a>, a Chicago nonprofit formed in 1994 that works with educators, nonprofits and other partners to get SEL into schools, from pre-K through high school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n CASEL\u2019s most recent research, in conjunction with University of Illinois at Chicago, Loyola University and the University of British Columbia, found that students exposed to SEL consistently display more positive social behaviors (like empathy, for instance) and less emotional distress than their peers. They report better test scores, less drug use and fewer conduct problems, according to a 2017 analysis of about 100,000 students.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen we started, nobody had any idea what SEL does,\u201d says Hank Resnik, senior advisor for communications at CASEL. The program first came about after the publication of Daniel Goleman\u2019s best-seller Emotional Intelligence<\/em><\/a> in 1995. As school safety has become more top of mind, \u201cwe have seen great growth in the field and increasingly people knowing how to implement SEL effectively.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n For Lewis, focusing on education as a way to stem the violence makes more sense than say, focusing on gun control. Other organizations — such as Sandy Hook Promise<\/a>, founded by family members who lost loved ones at the school — push for gun-safety reforms. Lewis says she understand both sides of the gun-control argument, those who fear guns, and those who fear the curtailment of 2nd Amendment rights. \u201cI don’t want to be coming at the solution from a point of fear,\u201d she says. \u201cI want to be coming at it from a point of love. Love transcends fear every single time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Five and a half years ago, as she researched SEL, Lewis found that the majority of school districts didn’t have it and many educators hadn\u2019t heard of it. Some simply didn\u2019t want to incorporate it, preferring the status quo. \u201cMy job became to spread awareness of social emotional learning, to teach about the scientifically researched benefits,\u201d she says, \u201cand then to provide a program that was comprehensive in nature.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She worked with Kukk and other educators to create an online SEL curriculum that could be downloaded for various age levels. It contains the five core components of traditional SEL — self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making — plus a new emphasis on \u201cchoosing love,\u201d as Lewis puts it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOurs specifically focuses on the power of presence, and the power of our thoughts in general,\u201d she says, adding that adults have an estimated 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day, and 70 percent to 80 percent are negative. \u201cWe have a proclivity toward negative thinking,\u201d she says, going back to prehistoric times, when early people faced ever-present dangers. Her organization\u2019s curriculum attempts to counter that by teaching kids how to overcome negative thinking through kindness, forgiveness and compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lisa A. Colapietro, an English teacher in East Greenville, Pennsylvania, who has introduced the Choose Love curriculum to her middle-school students at Upper Perkiomen School District, recently posted<\/a> about the experience on LinkedIn. Students in the \u201ctween\u201d years are in dire need of social-emotional instruction, she says, as they work toward independence while grappling with puberty. It\u2019s also a time when bullying, depression and thoughts of suicide can occur. \u201cThere is no greater gift than empowering students with the tools and realization that they can choose love over hate,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n Today, Lewis spends much of her time traveling across the nation to talk to schools and communities about the importance of SEL. She doesn\u2019t take vacations. \u201cThis is all I do,\u201d she tells me. \u201cI\u2019ve been to 6 states in the last 10 days.\u201d While she is intense — during conversations, she frequently interjects scientific findings and other research about SEL — she is friendly and remarkably upbeat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Her relatability might be her best advantage as she tries to sell educators on the Choose Love curriculum, which is available for free. \u201cI am not an academic standing in front of them. I\u2019m a mom,\u201d she says. \u201cFor me, it\u2019s life and death. I know better than anyone. I know we\u201d — she pauses to repeat the word — \u201cwe<\/em> are responsible for every child\u2019s safety.\u201d And with each shooting, she believes it becomes more critical to provide a solution. \u201cEvery time it happens I am heart broken,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To date, the curriculum has been downloaded by nearly 20,000 educators, reaching an estimated 1.5 million children. In July, the state of New Hampshire announced<\/a> it would include the Choose Love program in its schools. Looking ahead, Lewis hopes to reach even more students by partnering with other organizations, such as Rachel\u2019s Challenge<\/a>, that already have relationships with schools. That particular nonprofit works to reduce violence and was founded by the parents of Rachel Scott, the first student killed in the Columbine High School shooting in 1999.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reflecting on Jesse\u2019s chalkboard message, Lewis believes her son may have had a spiritual awareness that he wouldn\u2019t live a very long life. The word \u201cnurturing\u201d isn\u2019t in most 6-year-olds\u2019 vocabulary, and was spelled phonetically as \u201cnorturting.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHe wanted to leave a message of comfort for his family and friends,\u201d Lewis says. \u201cThat’s my inspiration. That’s the message that I spread every single day since.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\nA Chaotic Scene<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
A Message on a Chalkboard<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Related<\/h4>\n <\/div>\n \n
![\"Chelsea](\"https:\/\/cdn1.thestoryexchange.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22222931\/ep-22-horse-business_thumbnail-150x150.jpg\")
\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n \n \n This 6-Horse Startup Helps Kids With Special Needs\n <\/a>\n <\/h3>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n
Overcoming Negative Thoughts<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Related<\/h4>\n <\/div>\n \n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/cdn1.thestoryexchange.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/22223029\/Dianna-Flett_web_noPlay_2-150x150.jpg\")
\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n \n \n This Former Military Officer Is Teaching Young Girls to Be Confident\n <\/a>\n <\/h3>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n\n
A Matter of Life and Death<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n